AbuseRecover.org - you are not alone

Sexual Abuse Information and Support

Sexual Abuse can be a devestating experience for those who experience it. Sexual abuse can affect almost every aspect of your life. If you or someone you know has been affected by sexual abuse, we want you to know that you are not alone, and we would like to encourage you to seek out help and support. A good place to start is Survivors & Friends, which is an online support site including articles, books, and an online forum community of survivors, as well as other resources for not only victims of abuse, but also their friends and family who sometimes have struggles of their own as they watch the survivor go through a difficult journey.

Possible Symptoms of Sexual Abuse

Please Note: These are "possible" symptoms of sexual abuse and are not meant to diagnose sexual abuse. Having some of the symptoms listed does not necessarily mean that you were sexually abused. However, they may be helpful for self-evaluation in being able to see the impact abuse has had on your life, or even as warning signs for loved ones who may have faced or be facing abuse.

Fear

  • Fear of being alone
  • Fear of the dark
  • Fear of abandonment
  • Fear of rejection
  • Fear of change
  • Fear of exposure
  • Afraid to be touched, hugged, etc.
  • Fear of intimacy
  • Fear of being out of control; going crazy
  • Fear of sexuality or sexual feelings
  • Unexplained fear of certain places (i.e., parks, woods, closets, bedrooms, bathroooms)
  • Fear of pelvic exams
  • Unexplained fears relating to own children (i.e.,Desperately fearing that your children may end up experiencing what you did; constant hovering over them or at least feeling anxiety about them, particularly as they reach the age at which you were abused)
  • Fear that something bad will happen (catastrophizing)
  • Fear of certain persons

Physical Symptoms

  • Gagging sensitivity
  • Ignoring body signals (i.e. pain, fatigue, hunger, etc.)
  • Hiding or protecting self by wearing baggy clothing
  • Carrying extra weight in an effort to protect self
  • Dealing with physical illnesses that you suspect may in some way be associated
  • Feeling a real dislike of your own body; trying to deny certain aspects of the way your body looks
  • Having numbness in certain parts of your body from time to time (especially areas that are used sexually)
  • Muscle tension—headaches/backaches
  • Unexplained gastrointestinal distress

Mental Symptoms

  • Eating disorders (bulimia, anorexia, etc.)
  • Feelings of being fat and/or ugly even when not (“body dysmorphic”)
  • Stealing, shoplifting
  • Compulsive and/or addictive behavior (eating, shopping, working, sex, smoking, drinking, etc.)
  • Self-destructive behavior; feeling self-hatred, even to the point of self-mutilation or self-destruction; suicidal thoughts, attempts
  • Shutting down emotionally, detaching
  • Rigidity
  • Depression
  • Anxiety, panic attacks
  • Control issues: need to be in control of self, others, situations
  • Feeling the need to be perfect in all aspects of life: relationships, vocation, daily living
  • Having a sense of overwhelming guilt, a feeling of always being wrong—especially in relationships
  • Feeling a constant need to make up for being a bad person, therefore driving oneself to achieve in most areas of life
  • Having low self-esteem
  • Guilt, shame (i.e. having recurring thoughts such as: “Something's wrong with me.” “I was seductive—I wanted it.” “I am dirty and stained forever.” “I am alone and I exist to be taken advantage of.” “I am only good for sex.” “I deserved to be abused.” “I deserve only bad things.”
  • Feeling crazy or different
  • Withdrawal and isolation
  • Denial or minimization
  • Feeling confused or disoriented much of the time
  • Inability to deal with strong feelings; fearing you will lose control over your emotions
  • Numb self to own feelings: drugs, alcohol, food, staying too busy
  • Feeling watched
  • Depersonalization (i.e. feeling numb, feeling separate from one's self in certain situation, experiencing multiple personalities)
  • Humorlessness (or inappropriate humor especially in fearful, or difficult circumstances)
  • Seeking peace and safety “at any price”
  • Having a general feeling of hopelessness, both about yourself and life in general; feeling like you have no control over life's circumstances
  • Experiencing a deep and irrational fear of or hatred for some person who has not necessarily abused you, but could have
  • Feeling that you should be able to grow up and move beyond all these intrusive thoughts about your abuse—but you can't seem to do it
  • Feeling envy of other people who have “normal” lives
  • Having difficulty in trusting one's own thought processes and feelings
  • Failure to see or take responsibility for actions and circumstances
  • Anger issues (i.e. fear of expressing anger, fearing that if you let go of your anger, you might do something dangerous or never be able to regain control, constant anger, disproportionate anger)

Relationship Issues

  • Feeling like damaged goods, not worthy of others’ love; if married, feeling especially unworthy of a spouse's love
  • Having difficulty in accepting genuine acceptance, love, and caring from nearly everyone
  • Feeling that the other person must be right most of the time
  • Excessive nurturing of others while ignoring own needs or wants or a “nurturing mother type” for many people
  • Pattern of re-victimization
  • Having difficulty in making commitments to others
  • Frequently clinging to people who seem to need you, even when they make you angry
  • Finding yourself mistreating your own children and not understanding why
  • Having difficulty in feeling emotionally close to your children—or, conversely, being over involved with or overprotective of them
  • Having unexplained difficulty with things like bathing own children
  • When with your childhood family, feeling out of control, frightened, unimportant, angry, or depressed
  • Feeling a need to protect your family from the knowledge of what happened to you
  • Trust issues: difficulty trusting anyone; avoid intimacy for fear that if people really knew you, they would reject you; frequently “testing” people who say they love you just to see if they really do; trusting indiscriminately
  • Getting approval by “performing,” pleasing others; an overwhelming need to please others coupled with a self-image dependent upon how well you please others
  • Boundary issues: unable to confront; inability to say “no” or needing to do what others ask of you regardless of own feelings and needs; believe you don't even have a right to your own feelings

Sexual Issues

  • Repressed sexuality; avoidance of sex; feeling sex is distasteful or disgusting; ashamed of sexual feelings
  • Compulsive/obsessive sex
  • Promiscuity (inability to say no, believe you're a sex object only good for sex; feeling that your value is primarily in your sexuality
  • Vaginismus (vaginal contractions) or dyspareunia (painful sex)
  • Giving sex to feel love, giving love to get sex—difficulty distinguishing between the desire for intimacy and desire for sex
  • Unable to enjoy sex or certain parts of it
  • Having flashbacks during sex (or confusing partner with abuser)
  • Spacing out during sex
  • Intrusive abuse, rape, or S & M images during sex, or inability to reach orgasm without these images
  • Confusion as to sexual identity
  • Sexual deviancy (addiction to pornography, flashers, obscene phone calls, etc.)
  • Victim becomes a perpetrator (abuser)

Memory

  • Memory gaps of early years
  • Flashbacks: feel, hear, smell, dream, etc., certain events, and not necessarily know the meaning
  • Nightmares of abuse incidents, being chased, etc.
  • Unrealistic “over-idealization” of childhood or parents
  • Denial of events or their importance
  • Minimize or excuse abuse incidents, “It wasn't that bad,” “Others had it worse,” They couldn't help themselves,” etc.
  • Triggers: certain events (childbirth, seeing own abuser holding your child, your own child reaching age when your abuse began, your child reaching age of your abuser, etc.) can trigger flashbacks, unexplained fears, or full memories

Spiritual

  • Inability to feel loved unconditionally and accepted by God
  • Anger toward God
  • Difficulty trusting God
  • Spiritual emptiness
  • Tired of trying to please God
  • Blame God for life's circumstances
  • Inability to give or receive forgiveness
  • Insistence on 'earning' salvation, yet feeling unworthy of God's favor or grace